10 August 2010

The Mommy Categories

Myriam began Pre-school this past spring. Wow! What a learning curve! Beginning mid-term is not for the faint of heart, I’ll tell ya.

I feel lost and confused! There are so many things I don’t know. Which room is the right classroom? What kind of stuff is the right kind of stuff? Who are all of these people? (Please note Myriam was fine but I was a nervous wreck!)

All of these new Mommies in their New Mommy get-ups--each one frightening and beautiful in her own way. I find the need to classify them to better understand, and thereby plan my strategy of assimilation.
I find that there are several distinct types of Mommies. There’s Sporty Mommy, she wears a matching jogging suit and running shoes. Sometimes she will have something clever written across her ass like Juicy or Baby Doll. She is perpetually tan and says things like, “Gotta dash” when leaving her kids at school. Working Mommy can be spotted because she wears a conservative suit and slutty shoes. She also waves her goodbyes to her children because she has her Blackberry permanently attached to her ear. There is Casually Fashionable Mommy in her goddess dresses in the spring and her cashmere sweaters and wool slacks in the winter. She is careful not to wrinkle her or her children’s clothing when she gives her hug goodbye. And then there is Professional Mommy she wears practical and comfortable/washable clothes. She has Kleenex tucked into various and sundry places, sleeves, cleavage, and pockets. She carries candy, gum and breath mints, which she will offer up to anyone without provocation. She carries all of the tools necessary for surviving any natural disaster in her purse. Immunization records, screwdriver, first aid kit, bus fare—she’s got you covered.

And then there’s me. I am not sporty, fashionable and I'm certainly not prepared! (Frankly, I seek out Professional Mommy to get Kleenex and candy.) I’m thrilled when my children make it to their destination mostly clothed and mostly clean.

Where do I fit in? Pin It
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