27 September 2010

Sex As You Know It…

     My husband, if prodded, will speak of one of the worst experiences of his life; the day he’s pretty certain he walked in on his parents post coiutus. I have no such experiences. This means either my parents were better at keeping their sex lives to themselves or I’ve blocked it from my consciousness.

     The fact is that when you have children your entire life changes. All parts of your life change, and that includes your sex life. In fact, your sex life changes irrevocably upon conception of said child. Very few couples do NOT experience one, or both, being uncomfortable having sex during pregnancy. Now whether it's an actual physical discomfort or a mental one remains to be seen but face it, someone is gonna have issues. I have sat through many convos with girlfriends whose husbands won’t “give it up” because they are afraid that the baby will either be frightened of the penis coming at them or afraid that the baby will be hurt by it. (You do know that’s crap, right?)
     Once you have the child there is the timing issue. As in, who has the time? And if you have the time, wouldn’t you much rather spend the time doing something constructive; like sleeping? This also leads into the energy thing… because kids drain you completely of all the energy that you ever thought you had. In fact, sometimes you wonder if you will ever survive the exhaustion.    
     But one day you wake up and realize that it’s been weeks (if not months) since you and your husband have “taken a ride on the bone coaster” (That comes from my husband; he thinks he’s funny.) and you realize it’s now or never. That was our reality this weekend. 
     It was a lot like high school, I’d imagine, because I didn’t have sex in high school.  I was a goody, goody. (And I’m not just saying that because my parents have been known to read my blog from time to time. Contrary to what my parents believe, I did not sleep with that guy in high school. Really! I was a virgin until I was nearly 21. That’s how much of a goody, goody I was.) Anyway, my husband and I decided the time was right and to hell with the fact that the kids were out of their rooms and running around the house like wild Indians (I don’t care if it’s not PC. It’s a very descriptive term!), we were going to get it on! So while we were trying to be amorous our children were knocking on the door, trying to fit their arms under the door, asking for milk and breakfast, and complaining that they had to go potty. In fact there was a very humorous intermission while my husband had to wipe one of our sons because he pooooped (Yes, it was Porter.). When it was all said and done my husband and I spent the day giggling like we had gotten away with something and giving each other that knowing look. Basically we had reconnected and realized that we really were on the same team. Because more than the physical act itself, that’s what married-with-children-sex is; a reassurance to your partner that no matter what, you are in it together.

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