17 May 2012

Writer's Workshop: How to remove a bean from your child's nose without an ER visit.

4.) Name something you swore you'd never do when you had kids,
but now find yourself doing.

Kids are gross. And kids are stupid. A bean shoved up your child's nose is what happens when these two traits meet.

     I honestly thought that only "special" children (or TV children) shoved things up their noses. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that MY kid would do this. And when it did happen I never thought that I would spend 30 minutes trying to fish it out.

Why I thought my genetic stock was so far above the norm I don't know.
At least the ear plugs have a string to pull them out with....
     So while out with my GNO girls last week I was pleased relieved to know that mine isn't the only kid out there that obviously doesn't have a brain in his head fully developed reasoning capabilities.
     One of my girlfriend's child complained of pain in her nose, while getting ready for bed one evening and like any good normal parent E just assumed that her daughter was stalling so she didn't have to go to bed. Once the tears started though, E knew there was something very wrong. E's daughter explained to her that while at school (some 5 hours earlier in the day) she had shoved a bean up her nose and now couldn't get it out.
     After a goodly amount of nose blowing proved ineffectual and the swelling started, E did what any wildly intelligent parent would do. She Googled, "How to remove a bean from your child's nose" and came up with a brilliant solution.

Tangent: E is SO much smarter than I am and a much better momma, because NOTHING phases this woman! When I was trying to pull a Pretty Woman (slippery little suckers) and get a grip on the bean in Porter's nose with a pair of tweezers, she's finding real solutions on Google. Brilliant!

     I thought this solution was so brilliant that I should share it with you, on the off chance that you too have a special completely normal child that thinks shoving a foreign object up their nose sounds like a good time.
     You simply pinch off which ever nostril isn't packed with beans, rocks, or other smallish items and blow a quick breath into their mouth, like a CPR breath and apparently the object will fly across the room at terminal velocity. I'm almost willing to encourage my kid to shove something up there in order to try this... almost.

Disclaimer: Because I'm the Mommy is NOT a medical professional and any advice you choose to take from me only proves you are not the sharpest knife in the drawer desperate, so try this at your own risk. I will not be held responsible for beans that choose to take root in your children's noses or other orifices. And you probably shouldn't go digging around in there while wielding a pair of tweezers either. Jus sayin'!

Peace Out!
This post was inspired by Mama Kat's Pretty Much World Famous Writing Workshop.
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