20 July 2012

I'm Sorry, But Could We Pretend We've Never Met?

     I have a real dilemma on my hands and I desperately need some advice. We're all friends here, so I feel comfortable asking you for your opinion and I know that you won't rat me out the person this blog post is about steer me wrong. You see, I met this woman about a year ago. We'd never spent any real time together--only seeing each other out 'n about. We seemed to hit it off and I had high hopes that I had found a local friend but then we recently had the opportunity to spend some "quality time" together and now.... Well... I don't ever want to see her again!

     Everything started off great. On paper she's perfect. She's a SAHM with a kiddo that's the same age as my kids AND she lives roughly in my neighborhood. WIN! For about a year we've played the Oh-we-need-to-set-up-a-playdate-game and said we would call "next week" but for a year next week never came. And then out of the blue next week arrived! So I lugged my three kids, snacks, drinks and sharable toys to the park and proceeded to do the mommy playdate thang.
     After the initial introductions of our kiddos and the preliminary encouragement needed to get everyone to play together, she and I settled in to have our first mommy chat. I knew immediately that this wasn't meant to be when I had to explain what a blogger was and had to justify why anyone would want to be one (She doesn't even have a computer! Which is why I'm even blogging about this.) but I was determined to press on. But after about ten minutes, even my socially isolated self was ready to throw in the towel.
     It was obvious that she was suffering from "mommy brain" and severe isolation because any social skills she might have possessed were a fond memory. She was an over-sharer. Anyone want to know about her use of a goddess cup*? She was a competitive mommy whose child was "definitely gifted". Little "Joey" could already count to fifty and "they" were certain that he was already reading and why doesn't this school district allow for children to test out of Kindergarten because "Joey" was going to be severely stunted by the current Kindergarten curriculum?
     But it was really when she told me how she pitied me for having a "slow" child that I saw red. Honestly, I know that she didn't mean to come off as a condescending bitch, I'm really sure that she didn't mean it as an insult, which is the only reason I didn't deck the bitch her. Needless to say, I made excuses to cut our playdate short.
     SURPRISINGLY, my children made no objections when I called them to get in the car. Apparently they really didn't dig little "Joey's" whiny, tattle-tale ways. The kid may be "gifted" but he's destined to get beaten up a lot. Porter said he was,  "'tupid and needs a timeout." Logan said, "He's ok but he sure cries a lot." And Myriam kept telling him to "Go away! You STINK!" (He didn't smell that I could tell. But I didn't get too close because I found him to be a whiny little bitch highly annoying.)
     I really hoped that she found me just as annoying as I found her but that doesn't seem to be the case because now I'm ducking phone calls and using my blog's editorial calendar as excuses why we can't get together again. I really don't want to offend her and not just because we might have friends in common, it's just that I really don't want to spend another moment discussing her menstrual cycle with her.
     So what do I do, folks? How do you lose a "friend" without being the stuck up bitch she tells all her friends about? That is, if she has friends....

Peace Out!
*A goddess cup is a re-usable cup used to collect a woman's menstrual flow. I'm sorry but I had to sit through a whole discussion about it, so I'm sharing the "knowledge" with you. Blame her. Pin It
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