27 November 2012

I love you but if you buy this for my kids I'll be forced to punch you in the throat....

 Christmas is right around the corner.
 Black Friday has come and gone and the season of I Want is upon us. 

     This post may make me sound like an ungrateful bitch person because I know that many people would lie, cheat and steal to provide their children with the bounty that my children receive during the holidays but here's the deal: I'm the one that will have to pick up, clean up after and care for said item, so I really should have a say in the purchase. Add to the fact that if I don't like the toy it will disappear as soon as my children step foot onto the school bus, so if you don't want to waste your money don't buy these things.

Toys that Suck (So don't waste your money)

  • Moon Dough--I thought that this sounded like a wonderful idea. I am one of the few parents out there that actually likes and encourages the purchase of Playdoh for myself my children. So when I heard about a Playdoh-like-substance that doesn't dry out, I was all for it. That was until it stained my carpet and clogged my Dyson. The problem with never drying out is that you can never clean it up.
  • Possessed Dolls--You know the ones I'm talking about. The ones that talk or cry or have heads that spin around whenever someone walks near them. The last thing I need when I'm wandering around my dimly lit home at night is the sound of a disembodied voice coming from children's rooms. 
  • Whistles or other plastic musical instruments--I'm not anti-creativity nor anti-music. I'm just anti-noise. Especially, off key noise. 
  • Markers--Again I'm not anti-art. I really don't mind that you buy my children art supplies even though I have scrubbed more than my fair share of "masterpieces" off my walls. It's just that inevitably the children forget or lose the caps to the markers and they dry up or the dog eats them and poops a rainbow for days. It's really just the wasted money factor that bothers me. Know that if your child ever receives the deluxe Sharpie Marker set from me, it means I really hate you.
  • Trucks (that make emergency vehicle sounds)--If you don't know why this SUCKS then you don't deserve to read my blog. Leave now and never return, infidel! 
  • Bratz Dolls (this kind of goes for all Barbie or Dead-Hooker Monster High type dolls)--We don't need any unrealistic body images and/or evidence of lack of paternal involvement. 
     And lastly, don't even think of buying my kid a pet because I will be forced to buy every single thing on this list for your kid in retaliation. (And if you happen to be a grandparent I will make sure to pack all of the afore-mentioned items when my children come to visit.)

***I know that there are MANY more toys out there that parents despise. What's on your Don't-Even-Think-About-Buying-That-For-My-Kid-List?

Peace Out!
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