Mommy Island

                                    For Sale. CHEAP!! One Super Hero in training! 

Powers include invisibility, mass destruction

and sonic tantrums. Answers to the Spasm

(or Porter).  Call for more information.

            I often wonder if everyone has the same problems with their children that I have or if in fact, I am an island.  Being Mommy is hard, lonely work.  I often think that if anyone else had these issues mankind would have died out long ago.  Frankly after today I wonder how we ever made it out of the trees.  Maybe that’s my kids’ problems…maybe their genes didn’t….

            I guarantee that my three kids alone keep several companies in business.  We just need to own a Rug Doctor.  I’m pretty sure what I’ve spent in rentals would have paid for one by now.  I really need a Magic Eraser tree in my back yard.  And Clorox Wipes are a God send!  Unfortunately, today’s little mishap was more than all these products combined could handle.  Days like today make me not only doubt my parenting creds but make me doubt myself as a person. 

            Today my children took a brand new bottle of maple syrup and painted the boys’ bedroom with it and then poured the remainder on my daughter’s bed.  What am I saying?  Porter painted his bedroom and poured syrup on Myriam’s bed!  I watched with smug satisfaction as he wailed while he scrubbed walls, toys and carpet.  Mostly, all he managed to do was smear it around the room, I mean—he’s three!  After I finished cleaning up the mess, (The carpet is ruined and I think the mattress is also, unless anyone knows how to get syrup out of a mattress?) I sent him to bed and listened to him to continue to wail, with a self-righteous indignation that did little to rid my home of the smell of a pancake breakfast. 

            Am I an island?  Has anyone else had a child paint their room with an ENTIRE bottle of maple syrup?  This is the same child who flooded my bathroom by plugging the toilet with an array of items, just a little over a week ago!  A month ago Porter dropped an economy size, refill bottle of hand soap down my carpeted stairs.  Three months ago, my husband and I awoke to a flooded kitchen when he put a hand towel in the garbage disposal and then turned on the water.  Is it just me that has been blessed with a human tornado for a son?  It's times like these that makes me wonder if he’s even mine.  I mean when he whines, Porter whines with a southern drawl.  What’s up with that?