When Bullying Isn’t a Bad Thing

            This isn’t going to be the most PC of blog entries, but then again you’re reading my blog so by now, you’ve come to expect that.  So away we go!

            I’ve spoken to you briefly about my concerns about my son Porter.  But frankly I’m really afraid that he might end up being one of those kids that you see on TV.  The one that steals lunch money, wears a leather jacket, and is always in need of a hair cut.  You know--a bully.  I mean he does already have the leather jacket….  But it also got me to thinking; some of the most successful individuals are technically, bullies.  And at what point is being a bully not only appropriate but necessary?  Where is that fine line drawn?

            If you look at it objectively, and by objective I mean forget all about that person who made you cry in the 8^th grade, a couple of facts will jump out at you.  The first is that those kids who bullied you were popular.  They made it through school with very few scars.  They were often athletes, physically superior, intelligent, and charismatic.  People liked being around them—as longs as they were on the right end of their wrath.  In fact they have a lot of positive attributes.   

Let’s talk about those attributes….  Determination is a trait we admire.  But it can also be called stubbornness.  Where is the distinction?  Aggressiveness can be a wonderful trait when someone is going after a big client and physicality is encouraged and rewarded in most sports.  If a kid is physically aggressive on a football field—great!  But on a playground it’s a bad thing.  Manipulative behaviors can also be seen as charisma and intelligence.  Forcing people to do what you want them to do, could be seen as focus or drive; very important gifts to possess in business.  I mean if Martha Stuart hadn’t bullied everyone she ever met would she be the business mogul she is today?  Or the ex-con?

The second fact is that those popular kids turned into very successful adults!  Look around!  Donald Trump—big ol’bully.  Have you seen The Apprentice?  Gordon Ramsay—undeniable bully.  I feel bullied just watching his show.  Leona Helmsley, Anna Wintour, Simon Cowell are just a few of the most notable bullies of today’s celeb rags.  And every single one is highly successful, in fact the tops in their industries.  What does that really say for my little Porter? 

Maybe it means that when I am called into the principal’s office, and I will be called rest assured, I will take what they say with a grain of salt.  And when the town’s people show up one night looking for a place to hold their bonfire, maybe I’ll say Porter’s out.  And maybe, just maybe, when two of my three children are crying uncontrollably, while Porter stands by looking nervous I won’t just automatically assume that Porter did something wrong.  Maybe negotiations just broke down.  I mean after all, Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings; they did it by killing all those who opposed them.  Right?

Read the Series:
When Bullying Isn't a Bad Thing
Bullies Part Deux!