I find that I waste an exorbitant amount of time pursuing futile endeavors. For example, I find that I spend an excessive amount of time asking my three children the most inane of questions. Questions I already know the answers to, but I feel compelled to ask none the less.
“Did you hear what I just said?”
“Do you want to go to your room?”
“Do you need a spanking?”
(Yes. We occasionally spank. It’s a personal decision every parent needs to make on their own. I don’t need your advice about it. When you are in my situation, I’m sure you will be a much better parent than I am and you will do everything completely differently.)
(Yes. We occasionally spank. It’s a personal decision every parent needs to make on their own. I don’t need your advice about it. When you are in my situation, I’m sure you will be a much better parent than I am and you will do everything completely differently.)
Or I just reiteratie the same few statements all day long.
“Porter, get your hands out of your pants!”
“No, No, I’m pretty sure I said NO!”
“Leave the dog alone. He doesn’t like you.”
“I’m going to count to three! One…Two….”
All the while I am making these insane statements or posing vague threats I forget the most brilliant medical diagnosis ever made concerning children. “Children are BRAIN DAMAGED!” (Intuitive wisdom from Dr. Bill Cosby.) If I could just remember this fact I might save myself a great deal of frustration, anxiety, and more than a few sore throats.
The other big time suck in my life is cleaning. (sigh) Why must I clean constantly? I don’t know if it’s a mental illness or just the way of the world but, I clean CONSTANTLY! I barely ever stop, from the time I wake up in the morning until I go to bed at night, and for the most part it’s the same cleaning project over and over. I constantly pick up toys. I constantly do dishes (around 2-3 loads a day) and laundry (2-4 loads a day). I would trade water bills with just about anyone! Between my children’s fascination with flushing the toilet and our legitimate water usage our monthly water bill looks like a small mortgage. All I know is that the worst phrase ever uttered by a child is “Mommy I done,” because it means you have something to clean!
